Supporting Your Partner Through a Prison Sentence
Last reviewed: June 2026
When a partner goes to prison, the person left at home carries an enormous, often invisible, load: the household, the children, the worry, and the loneliness. If that is you, please know two things. First, your role matters hugely — steady contact from home is one of the biggest factors in how well someone copes and rebuilds. Second, you are allowed to need help yourself. This guide covers both sides.
The four ways to stay in touch
Connection runs through four main channels. Visits are booked in advance using the prisoner’s number and the prison’s booking system. Phone calls are made by the prisoner from a PIN phone to numbers they have had approved — you generally cannot ring in. Letters are unlimited and a lifeline; many couples find writing brings them closer than they expected. And the secure email a prisoner service lets you send messages (and sometimes photos) that are printed and handed in. Our guide on how to contact someone in prison walks through each step.
| Channel | How it works | Good to know |
|---|---|---|
| Visits | Booked online or by phone in advance | Bring ID; check the prison’s rules on children and items |
| Phone calls | Prisoner calls approved numbers on a PIN | Keep credit on their account; calls are time-limited |
| Letters | Posted to the prison with the prisoner number | Unlimited; avoid anything prohibited |
| Email a prisoner | Secure online message, printed inside | Small fee; photo attachments at some prisons |
Money and practical support
Sending money to a prisoner’s account is done through the GOV.UK send money to a prisoner service. This lets them buy phone credit, toiletries and extras from the canteen. If money is tight at home, the Prisoners’ Families Helpline can point you to assistance with travel costs for visits and other support. Keep important paperwork — tenancy, benefits, bills — in one place, as you may now be handling things you previously shared.
Looking after yourself
Partners of prisoners often describe “doing the sentence too.” Grief, anger, shame and exhaustion are all normal, and so is feeling judged by people who do not understand. Try to protect a little time for yourself, lean on the people who are kind, and consider talking to a support organisation that specialises in families affected by imprisonment. You are not alone, and asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.
Children and the relationship
If you have children, age-appropriate honesty usually works better than secrecy, which they often sense anyway. Many prisons run family days and child-friendly visits that help maintain the bond. As a couple, keep expectations realistic: sentences test relationships, and it is healthy to talk openly about how you both want to handle the time apart and the eventual homecoming, including release on licence and any conditions.
- Trying to carry everything alone. Free helplines and family support services exist precisely for this — use them early.
- Expecting to phone the prison and be put through. Prisoners call out; you cannot usually call in.
- Neglecting your own health. Burnout helps no one. Your wellbeing is part of supporting them.
- Sending prohibited items. Check the prison’s rules before posting anything; banned items can cause real problems for your partner.
A note from experience
Prison Guide was founded by Daniel Hockey, who served a sentence himself and saw first-hand how much steady support from home mattered — not just to morale, but to staying focused on release and rehabilitation. His message to partners is that the small, consistent things — a letter that arrives, money on the account, a calm visit — add up to more than any grand gesture.
Frequently asked questions
Can I phone the prison to speak to my partner?
Generally no. Prisoners make outgoing calls from PIN phones to approved numbers; you cannot usually call in, though you can leave a message in urgent cases.
How do I send money to my partner in prison?
Use the free GOV.UK “send money to a prisoner” service online. It is the quickest and most reliable method.
Where can I get emotional support as a partner?
The Prisoners’ Families Helpline and similar charities offer confidential support and practical advice, including help with visit travel costs.
Will the relationship survive a sentence?
Many do, especially with honest communication and regular contact. It helps to talk openly about expectations and to plan for release together.
Further help
See GOV.UK on staying in touch with someone in prison, the Prisoners’ Families Helpline, and our guides on contacting someone in prison and how much time is actually served. This can be an emotionally heavy time; if you are struggling, please reach out to a support service or your GP.
