Impact of Imprisonment on Children: Family Guide
⚡ Quick Answer
Children with an imprisoned parent experience grief, shame, financial stress, and disrupted routines. They may struggle emotionally, suffer academically, and face stigma. However, with proper support—regular contact, honest communication, counselling, and peer support—children can cope and even grow. The key is acknowledging the impact, reducing shame, and ensuring they know the imprisonment is not their fault.
- Emotional Impacts: Grief, anger, shame, anxiety, abandonment feelings
- Practical Challenges: Financial hardship, reduced visits, changed home environment
- School Effects: Concentration problems, behavioural issues, attendance challenges
- Protective Factors: Honest communication, stable relationships, professional support, peer connection
Understanding the Impact: Why This Matters
Every year, approximately 200,000 children in the UK have a parent in prison. That’s roughly one in every 50 schoolchildren. Yet this impact remains largely invisible—under-discussed, under-resourced, and often ignored by schools and wider society.
The imprisonment of a parent is not a crime the child committed. Yet children often experience profound consequences: disrupted family structure, financial hardship, emotional trauma, social stigma, and significant changes to their daily lives. Without support, these impacts can cascade into long-term difficulties with mental health, education, and relationships.
This guide is written for caregivers, teachers, family members, and friends supporting children affected by parental imprisonment. Understanding the impact is the first step toward helping children cope and, crucially, thrive despite their circumstances.
The Emotional and Psychological Impact
Children’s reactions to parental imprisonment vary by age, personality, attachment to the imprisoned parent, and the quality of support they receive. However, common emotional responses include:
Grief and Loss
Children experience genuine grief. A parent is absent—not through death, but through incarceration. This creates a unique kind of loss: the parent still exists, but is unreachable and separated by time, physical barriers, and legal constraints. A child might desperately want their mum or dad but cannot visit, call at will, or share everyday moments together.
This grief is compounded by ambiguous loss—the parent is physically gone but not psychologically resolved as deceased. Children struggle with wondering: Will they ever see them? Will they still love them? Will they ever get their parent back?
Shame and Stigma
Children internalise shame about their family circumstances. They may not tell peers about their parent’s imprisonment. If peers find out, they risk ridicule, exclusion, or being labelled “the kid with a criminal parent.” Some children carry this shame into adulthood, unconsciously believing they are responsible or inherently flawed.
In reality, shame should fall on the system for failing the child—not on the child themselves.
Anger and Betrayal
Older children and teenagers often experience anger toward the imprisoned parent: “You did this. You left us. You embarrassed us.” This anger is valid. Supporting a child through it means validating the anger while helping them develop nuance—understanding that the parent may have made terrible choices without the child being responsible for those choices or unworthy of the parent’s love.
Anxiety and Hypervigilance
Children may become anxious about abandonment or loss. They might fear that another family member will be arrested or that they will be blamed. Some develop hypervigilance—constantly watching for signs of trouble or trying to be “perfect” to avoid further family disruption.
Behavioural Changes
Emotional distress often manifests as behavioural change: acting out, withdrawal, aggression, or rebellion. Teachers may see increased absences, concentration problems, or disciplinary issues. This is not misbehaviour—it’s a sign the child needs support.
Age-Specific Impacts and Responses
Children at different developmental stages understand and process parental imprisonment differently:
Young Children (Ages 3-7)
Understanding Level: Limited. Young children may not grasp that imprisonment is temporary or what “prison” means. They understand primarily that a parent is gone and returns only rarely.
Key Impacts: Confusion, regression (thumb-sucking, bed-wetting, increased clinginess), loss of routines, separation anxiety.
Support Approaches: Keep language simple and honest. “Mummy is in a special place for grown-ups where she’s staying for a while. This is not your fault.” Use picture books about families with imprisoned parents. Maintain consistent routines and reassurance. Use video calls or photos to maintain connection.
Primary School Children (Ages 8-11)
Understanding Level: Better grasp of consequences and fairness. May understand the imprisoned parent did something wrong and faces punishment. Often blame themselves (“If I was better behaved, maybe Mum wouldn’t have done this”).
Key Impacts: Shame about disclosure to peers, school performance decline, social withdrawal, guilt, divided loyalty (feeling they should be “loyal” to the imprisoned parent).
Support Approaches: Use honest, age-appropriate language explaining the parent’s actions without vilifying them. Help the child separate the parent’s behaviour from their identity. Support peer relationships by providing honest but private ways to explain the situation. Encourage school support through counselling services.
Teenagers (Ages 12-18)
Understanding Level: Full comprehension of crime, consequences, and social judgment. Often experience anger and betrayal alongside loyalty conflicts. May feel isolated because peers’ families are “normal.”
Key Impacts: Identity shame, social isolation, anger toward imprisoned parent, academic decline, risk of delinquency themselves (not deterministic, but increased stress can elevate risk), relationship difficulties.
Support Approaches: Respect their developing autonomy while offering honest support. Don’t minimise their anger or force reconciliation with the imprisoned parent. Connect with peer support groups (where teenagers meet other teens with imprisoned parents). Provide access to counselling. Maintain clear expectations and boundaries.
Helping Children Understand and Process the Situation
One of the most difficult parenting tasks is explaining parental imprisonment. Here’s how to do it thoughtfully:
Be Honest but Age-Appropriate
Dishonesty creates confusion and erodes trust. Children need truthful explanations suited to their age. Examples:
- Young Child: “Your mum is in a place called prison because she made a serious mistake. This is not your fault. I still love you. She still loves you.”
- Older Child: “Your dad is in prison because he committed a crime [general description appropriate to their age]. He made very poor choices. That doesn’t make him a bad person, but he has to face consequences. He still loves you, and we’ll keep your relationship connected.”
Separate the Person from the Behaviour
Children need to understand: “Your parent made a bad choice, but you can still love them.” This nuance is crucial. Without it, children either idealise the imprisoned parent (unrealistic) or demonise them (causing shame about their own relationship).
Normalise Feelings
Tell the child: “It’s okay to feel angry at Mum. It’s okay to miss her. It’s okay to feel confused or sad. All these feelings make sense.”
Remind Them It’s Not Their Fault
Children often carry guilt (“Maybe I caused the crime to happen” or “Maybe if I was better, they wouldn’t be in prison”). Repeatedly, clearly, and calmly state: “This is not your fault. Your parent’s choices are their responsibility, not yours.”
Maintaining Relationships: Staying Connected
Parental-child relationships can survive and even strengthen during imprisonment, but they require intentional effort:
Prison Visits: Making Them Meaningful
Regular visits (where possible and safe) are vital. However, visiting prisons is emotionally and logistically challenging for children. See the Complete Guide to Visiting a Prisoner: What to Expect for detailed preparation strategies.
Make visits as positive as possible within constraints. Prepare the child beforehand. Allow time afterward to process emotions. Don’t force children to visit if they’re not ready; allow their relationship to develop at their pace.
Telephone Calls
Regular phone calls maintain connection. However, prison phones are monitored, recorded, and expensive. Calls are often brief, scheduled in advance, and interrupted by time limits. Set realistic expectations: “We can talk for 10 minutes, and it might be cut off suddenly.”
Letters and Cards
Written communication is more reliable than calls and allows the child to express feelings in writing—sometimes easier than face-to-face. Encourage the child to write letters, draw pictures, or send artwork. These become precious to imprisoned parents and to children later in life.
Video Calls (Where Available)
Some prisons now offer video calling. This is more natural than phone calls and helps children feel closer. Preparation is still important: explaining the screen, the prison setting, the time limit.
Managing Disappointments
Prison circumstances change. Visits get cancelled. Calls are missed. The imprisoned parent might be transferred to a distant prison. These disappointments hurt children deeply and require active emotional support to process.
School and Academic Support
Parental imprisonment often affects school attendance and performance. Strategies to help:
- Inform the School: Talk to the class teacher, school counsellor, or pastoral lead. You don’t need to share every detail, but explaining the situation helps staff understand behavioural changes and provide support.
- Access School Counselling: Most schools have a counsellor available to students. Arrange sessions for the child to process emotions with a professional.
- Request Academic Support: If concentration or attendance is affected, the school can provide extra tutoring, homework support, or flexible attendance arrangements.
- Encourage Attendance: School is an important normalising space. Maintain routines and emphasise the importance of attendance, even on difficult days.
- Plan Around Visits: If a visit to prison falls on a school day, plan what you’ll do. Sometimes children need the visit more than one school day. Communicate with the school about the situation.
Reducing Stigma and Supporting Identity
Stigma—both external and internalised—is one of the most damaging impacts on children. Strategies to reduce it:
Create Safety to Disclose
Help the child develop an honest but brief explanation for peers if they choose to disclose: “My parent is in prison. It’s something that happened. I’m still me.” Not all children need to disclose publicly; some prefer privacy. Both choices are valid.
Connect with Peer Support
The most powerful anti-stigma intervention is connecting with other children in similar situations. Organisations like Action for Prisoners’ Families and Kinship Care UK offer peer support groups where children meet others with imprisoned parents. This normalises their experience and reduces isolation.
Challenge Internal Shame
Repeatedly: The imprisoned parent’s actions are not a reflection on the child. Having an imprisoned parent doesn’t make the child bad, broken, or defined by this circumstance. Professional counselling helps challenge shame beliefs.
Celebrate the Child’s Identity Beyond “Kid with Imprisoned Parent”
Encourage interests, talents, friendships, and achievements that define the child positively. They are a student, an artist, a friend, a sibling—not just “that kid whose parent is in prison.”
Practical Support and Financial Hardship
Parental imprisonment often creates financial crisis for families. Immediate breadwinner loss, prison visit costs, phone bills, and changed living arrangements strain budgets severely.
Children notice and feel anxiety about financial stress. Support includes:
- Apply for Benefits: Families may be entitled to additional benefits or support. Contact Citizens Advice or the government benefits office.
- Seek Charitable Support: Organisations like Action for Prisoners’ Families offer emergency grants, food parcels, and visit support.
- Manage Communication: Don’t burden children with adult financial stress (“We can’t afford food”). Instead: “Money is tight right now, and we’re being careful. We’ll be okay.”
- Maintain Routines Within Means: Family time doesn’t require spending money—walks, cooking together, board games are powerful.
Daniel Hockey’s Perspective: Supporting Children Through Imprisonment
From the Inside Looking Out: I didn’t have children, but I witnessed fellow prisoners’ anguish about their kids. One man received a letter from his daughter—age seven—written in clumsy handwriting: “I miss you Daddy. Are you coming home soon?” He wept. These children were suffering, and their parents were heartbroken by their suffering.
What I learned from listening to fathers and mothers inside: Children need to know they’re loved and they’re not responsible for the parent’s imprisonment. Simple as that, but it requires repeated, consistent messaging from the adults around them.
I also watched families who maintained connection despite the prison barriers. Video calls, letters, even simple things like a photo the parent kept of the child—these meant everything. The imprisoned parent felt connected to their child’s life, and the child felt loved and remembered.
The hardest part for imprisoned parents is the guilt. Many are consumed by it. If you’re supporting a child in this situation, consider: helping the parent stay emotionally present (even in prison) actually helps the child more than punishment or estrangement. Children need to know their parent loves them, even if that parent is incarcerated.
And for children reading this: your parent is in prison because of their own choices. That is not about you. You can love them and be proud of your own path. These aren’t mutually exclusive.
Professional Support Services
Children often benefit from professional support to process the experience:
Counselling and Therapy
One-to-one counselling helps children express and process emotions. CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) offers free NHS services; waiting lists can be long. Private counsellors specialising in family trauma are alternatives.
Peer Support Groups
Groups like Children of Prisoners Europe and local Action for Prisoners’ Families branches offer peer support. Meeting other children in similar situations is powerfully normalising.
School Support
School counsellors, pastoral staff, and SENCo (Special Educational Needs Coordinator) can provide support at school.
Family Counselling
If the imprisoned parent will eventually return to the family, family therapy helps prepare for reunion and process the changed relationships.
Common Questions About Parental Imprisonment and Children – FAQ
Age matters. Young children (under 8) need simple, brief explanations (“Mummy made a serious mistake and has to stay in prison for a while”). Older children need more detailed, honest information suited to their maturity. Withholding information creates confusion; transparency with appropriate framing supports understanding.
No. Forcing visits can increase trauma and resentment. Support the child’s readiness. Let them know visits are available when they’re ready. Some children maintain connection through letters initially, then progress to visits later. Respect their emotional pace.
Parental imprisonment increases risk factors (stress, poverty, emotional dysregulation) but does not determine outcome. With strong support, stable relationships, and healthy influences, children thrive. Many children of imprisoned parents become successful, healthy adults.
Use simple, concrete language: “Daddy is in a place called prison. It’s a building where people stay when they’ve done something against the law. You’ll see him sometimes, but not every day. He still loves you very much.”
This depends on the child’s age and readiness. Older children may want to understand the crime and its impact. Support their curiosity while maintaining boundaries. The imprisoned parent should acknowledge their actions without oversharing traumatic details.
This is damaging to children. If the parent blames others or refuses accountability, help the child understand: “Some people struggle to admit mistakes. That’s their problem, not yours.” Professional support helps children process this and form their own understanding.
Moving Forward: Building Resilience
Children with imprisoned parents are not doomed to struggle. With proper support, they develop resilience and go on to lead fulfilling lives. Key protective factors include:
- Honest, age-appropriate communication about the situation
- Consistent, caring adults providing stability and reassurance
- Regular, meaningful contact with the imprisoned parent (if safe)
- Peer connection with other children in similar situations
- Professional support through counselling or therapy
- School engagement and academic support
- Reduction of shame through open discussion and normalisation
- Celebration of the child’s identity beyond this circumstance
Your role as a caregiver, teacher, family member, or friend is to provide these protective factors. You don’t need to “fix” the situation. You need to be present, honest, and supportive as the child processes one of life’s most challenging experiences.
Related Resources
For more information on supporting families affected by imprisonment:
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