Visiting a Prisoner for the First Time: What No One Tells You

Let’s be honest: nothing quite prepares you for walking into a prison for the first time. You’ve booked the visit, found your ID, told yourself to keep it together — and then the nerves kick in anyway. That’s normal. Everyone feels a bit out of place on visit one. The good news is that once you know the drill — the booking, the checks, the hall, the goodbye — the second time isn’t nearly as daunting.

Before You Go: the unvarnished basics

You can’t just turn up. Visits must be booked in advance, and you’ll only be allowed in if you’re on the prisoner’s approved visitors list. You’ll need proper photo ID (passport or driving licence are safest). No ID? No visit. Simple as that. Rules vary slightly by prison and by jurisdiction (England & Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland), so always check the specific prison’s guidance the day before you travel — it saves arguments at the gate.

Clothes, shoes and the awkward stuff

Keep it sensible. Most prisons are strict about clothing that’s revealing, see-through, or looks too much like prison or staff uniform. Grey joggers, hoodies with deep hoods, steel-toe boots, and belts with big buckles can all cause delays. Underwired bras sometimes set scanners off and lead to extra checks — not the end of the world, just a faff. Go for comfortable shoes. Leave chunky jewellery at home.

What you can’t bring (and why that matters)

Phones, smartwatches, vapes, lighters, chewing gum — usually no. Food and drink from outside — also no. If in doubt, leave it behind. You’ll have access to lockers at most sites, but they fill up fast on busy days. Bring a pound coin or two for the locker if your prison uses coin-operated ones.

Booking pitfalls to avoid

Double-check the names and dates of birth for everyone visiting, especially if you’re bringing children. If details don’t match the booking, you can be turned away. Screenshot your confirmation. Print it if you’re old-school. Batteries fail at the worst moment.

Micro-tip

Write the prisoner’s number on a bit of paper and keep it in your pocket. Sounds daft — saves stress if your phone dies at the desk.

Arriving at the prison (and all the little rituals)

Get there early. Not “five minutes early”, actually early. Some prisons shut the doors bang on the visit start time. You’ll check in at the visitors’ centre, hand over your booking details, show ID, and put bags/phones/keys in a locker. Then come the checks: metal detector, pat-down search, maybe a sniffer dog. You might feel like you’ve done something wrong. You haven’t. It’s just the process.

What the hall is like

Bright lights. A lot of tables. Staff on the move. It’s not private — conversations happen in the open, so if you need to talk about something sensitive, pick your words and your moment. Usually you get a quick hug at the start and end; the middle is seated. Time goes faster than you think. If there’s a refreshments kiosk, it’ll be basic — instant coffee, crisps, the odd biscuit. Bring change if your prison allows purchases, but don’t rely on it.

The first conversation (and the knot in your stomach)

Everyone reacts differently the first time. Some people cry. Some talk non-stop. Some sit quietly and just hold hands across the table. There isn’t a right way. If the words won’t come, start small: “How are you sleeping?” “Do you need anything?” “How are the officers on your wing?” Practical chat helps calm the nerves, then you can get to the bigger stuff.

Visiting with children

Kids pick up on your mood. A calm explanation (“It’s a special place where we have to follow rules”) goes a long way. Pack patience. The waiting can feel longer than the visit. Some prisons run family days with a bit more space to move around — worth asking about once your first visit is done.

When the clock runs out

The end always comes sooner than you want. Staff call time, everyone stands, quick goodbye, then you’re back through the checks and out to the car park — or the bus stop, or the station platform where it hits you properly. If you leave feeling heavy, that’s normal. Plan something small for afterwards: a cup of tea, a short walk, five minutes on a bench. Give your brain a landing pad.

Little things that make a big difference

Eat before you go. Don’t over-promise in the moment (“I’ll be back tomorrow”) when you can’t be. Keep notes after the visit — what they asked for, who you need to call, anything you need to check. It makes the next one easier.

What you don’t see — and why visits matter

Behind the scenes there’s security, routines, and a lot of waiting for everyone involved. For the person inside, a visit breaks up the week and anchors them to real life. That connection — a voice, a laugh, a story from home — does more than any leaflet about “rehabilitation”. If you can only manage short visits, that’s fine. Showing up is the thing.

After your first visit: what next?

Once you know the route, the lockers, the hall, the rhythm — it gets easier. Some people settle into a regular slot. Some alternate in-person visits with letters or video calls. If travel is expensive, look into support from family charities; if you’re unsure about rules, ask staff politely — they deal with first-timers every day.

Simple, honest pointers (from people who’ve done it)

Plan the journey with a buffer. Screenshot everything. Keep clothing simple. Speak clearly (it’s noisy). And if something goes wrong — a delayed train, a missing document — be honest at the desk. Staff have heard every story under the sun; they’ll tell you the best way to salvage the day.

One last thing

You don’t need perfect words or a rehearsed speech. You just need to be there. That’s what they’ll remember.

FAQs: First Prison Visit

Do I need to be on an approved list?

Yes. The prisoner must add you to their visitors list before you can book. If you’re not approved, your booking won’t be accepted at the gate.

What ID will I need?

Valid photo ID — passport or UK driving licence. Some prisons accept alternatives with proof of address, but don’t risk it; bring the strongest ID you have.

What should I wear?

Smart-casual is safest. Avoid anything revealing, see-through, or clothing that looks like staff/prison uniform. Keep jewellery minimal. Comfortable shoes are your friend.

Can I bring my phone?

No. Phones, smartwatches and most electronics stay in lockers. Bring change if your prison uses coin-operated lockers.

How long do visits last?

Usually around an hour, sometimes a little more. If the prison is busy or short-staffed, timings can be tighter. Always arrive early.

What about children?

Children can visit if they’re booked and accompanied by an approved adult. Some prisons run family days with a more relaxed set-up — ask at the visitors’ centre.

How do I send money or letters instead?

Use the official online service for money (process differs slightly across the UK). For letters, include the prisoner’s full name and number and the correct prison address; keep enclosures within the rules.

What if I’m turned away?

It happens: late arrival, name mismatch, missing ID. Stay calm, ask what needs fixing, and rebook. Painful day — but fixable.